The 42 Commandments of Sporting Fandom

The 42 Commandments of Sporting Fan Bases

  1. Thou shalt have only 1 favorite team/player. Wait… what? You have multiple favourites? Oh no, that’s okay, you are allowed to have both a favorite tennis player and a favorite table tennis player. What? No? Multiple favorites from the same sport? Can you… ermm… repeat that please? Multiple favorites from the same sport? Oh. In that case, please check out this article.
  2. All’s fair in love and war. And THIS. IS. WAR.
  3. Your favourite player is the GOAT. This is non-negotiable.
    PS – if you don’t know what GOAT is and still reading this article, please check out this article.
  4. If your favourite player is a prime GOAT contender, then he is DEFINITELY the GOAT. No debates here.
  5. If your favourite player is not a real GOAT contender, but definitely one of the greatest, then the GOAT debate is subjective and up to interpretation, but he is probably the GOAT.
  6. If your favourite player just does not measure up to GOAT debates and it would be embarrassing(and I mean really, really embarrassing… like ‘being caught supporting your rivals’ embarrassing) to call him the GOAT… can we just ban GOAT debates around here?
  7. Thou shalt not commit adultery and support thy rival.
  8. All members of my fan base are my brothers and sisters. I shall ride with them into the battlefield of bar and pub arguments and social media comment sections, and together we shall destroy our rival fans.
  9. Thou shalt not censor thy language in any argument.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy rival team’s star player.
  11. The referees, umpires and officials are always against your team/player, who is always fighting against the odds.
    11.1 If you’re a Real Madrid fan, this does not apply to you. See Commandment #28 instead.
  12. Your fandom consists of very nice, mature, sports fans who respect the game and opponents and rivals. Sure, there are a few loose cannons, but every fandom has that.
  13. Your rival fandoms are full of racists, sexists, bigots, etc, etc…
    13.1 Amalgamations of the above are also present eg. racist bigots, etc.
  14. I tried uploading the highlights of MyTeam beating RivalTeam on Pornhub. But they wouldn’t accept rape.
  15. I don’t like my favorite player only because of his game. He is also such a great person. A role model. An inspiration. Have you seen everything he’s done for charity? Wait, let me just share a post just in case you haven’t.
  16. Me English not very good. I just want say. Me favorite player GOAT. You favourite player Jackass. I hope everyone understand me.
  17. Only two comments are acceptable on any football related post:
    1) Messi is the best.
    2) Ronaldo is the best.
    Just kidding. Only one of those is acceptable. You know which one
  18. The reason I don’t want RivalTeam to win is because of their fans. Those fans are so obnoxious. If they win, their fans would make my favorite social media absolutely intolerable.
  19. Shit, rival team/player won! Look at all those obnoxious fans coming out of their caves. Don’t worry, let the next tournament/season come around. They’ll go back to their caves soon.
  20. Are you a Brit? You guys may have invented the sport, but now you suck at it. Don’t worry, the next big tournament is yours. Also, Andy Murray is now Scottish and will only become British again if and when he wins his next Wimbledon title.
  21. Thou shalt follow thy favourite team/player on all social media platforms.
  22. Thou shalt abuse thy rivals on all social media platforms.
  23. Thou shalt abuse thy rival fans on all social media platforms.
  24. Thy favorite team/player shall get trolled on social media.
  25. Thou shalt get offended at all trolls on thy favorite team/player.
  26. If your favorite player does not get trolled on social media, he fulfils at least one of the following criterion:
    i) He is just not relevant enough. Sorry buddy, not saying he’s bad. But people don’t care enough about him to troll him
    ii) He was super relevant ages back. Now people just miss him.
    iii) Injury has totally messed up his career, and people are just sympathetic to him.
    iv) He is AB de Villiers. Seriously, what’s wrong with the guy? Even Roger Federer gets trolled!
  27. Hey that’s my favorite team/player as an option in that online poll. Aaaaaaand… voted! Wait, let me create an additional fake account. Aaaaaaand… voted again!
    BTW, what was the question? Meh, who cares!
  1. The referees and officials have a really tough job and sometimes they will make mistakes. But you still have to be good enough to take advantage.
    PS – You should intuitively know when this commandment is appropriate.
  2. You know, I’ve been to the stadium to watch MyTeam playing RivalTeam. And what really struck me was how much better our fans are than their fans – in every imaginable way.
  3. If all those stupid fans can’t recognize your player truly is the best ahead of that rival player, you shall constantly post carefully curated facts and statistics to demonstrate why that guy is overrated and your favourite is the best.
  4. Dear Americans, following some college football(BTW, it’s not called football) team is not a fan base.
  5. Did someone just call my favorite team/player’s game defensive and boring? No, no, no. It’s not boring. It just shows great fighting spirit. Great perseverance, resilience, an indomitable spirit. Boring? Huh, no way. These are the kinds of players you can relate with more. Life is a constant struggle, and we all have to fight against the odds. That’s what my favorite team/player does, every second of every match. This kind of game gives us ordinary people hope every time we see it. Blah. Blah. Blah……………*5 hour speech later*…………. Boring? Oh no sir, no way!
  6. Thou shalt be attacked by rival fans. Thou shalt not turn the other cheek. Thou shalt not forgive and forget.
    33.1 Getting hammered in an argument by someone from a third world country? Where is that dictionary you had – The Beginner’s Guide to Racial Slurs?
  7. Hold on, I just got a notification from someone saying my favorite player is not the GOAT. BRB.
  8. If Justin Beiber visits your rival club, make sure to share the posts and pictures.
  9. Did some washed up celebrity or ex-player post an unflattering tweet about my favorite team/player? Who is he to talk about MyTeam/MyPlayer. Let him first learn to play the game as well as him/them, then we’ll talk. Spoiler alert – that day will never come.
  10. Those RivalTeam fans are all plastics. They’re not true fans like YourTeam fans. They’re just fair weather fans.
  11. The draw and/or schedule was the reason why your team/player lost. The organisers always favor the RivalTeam/Player.
  12. An Indian fan and a Pakistani fan arguing? First person to mention Kashmir wins… GO!
  13. Ooo look, a post/article/tweet attacking your rival. Pound away on that share button.
  14. You have never been to the stadium with your rival fans. Sssssshhhhh. Never!
  15. Thou shalt share these commandments!

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