Lawyer – Mickey Mouse, you say you want to divorce Minnie because she is extremely silly! Mickey – No, I said, she is fucking Goofy!
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Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?” “No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So […]
I was doing yard work after the storm this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn’t find the rake. I yelled up to my wife, “Where’s the rake?” She couldn’t hear me and she shouted back, “What?” I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my […]
I’ve never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart. For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, […]
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. “Hey!” shouts the manager. “Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The […]
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? Well, she was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was […]