Lawyer: Is there a problem, officer? Officer: Sir, you were speeding. Lawyer: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Lawyer: I would give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Lawyer: Lost it four years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see… Can I see your vehicle […]
Visit To The Doctor
Doctor: You have this serious disease. Me: Oh no. Doctor: But don’t worry you can cure it with a healthy diet and exercise. Me: OH NO!
What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?
Dear customer, We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.
Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, I know the whole truth. Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, I know the whole […]
A blonde needed some money.
A blonde was desperate for money. So she decided to go to the richer neighbourhoods around town and look for odd jobs. At the first house, a man answered the door and told her. ‘Yeah, I have a job for you. Could you paint the porch?’ ‘Sure,’ smiled the blonde, ‘I’ll do it for $100.’ […]
Mickey Mouse wants to divorce Minnie
Lawyer – Mickey Mouse, you say you want to divorce Minnie because she is extremely silly! Mickey – No, I said, she is fucking Goofy!
What If Some Leading Brands Manufactured Condoms…
Nike Condoms – Just Do It Nokia Condoms – Connecting People Panama Condoms – Nothing Between You And Me Duracell Condoms – Longer Lasting Hero Honda Condom – Fill It, Shut It, Forget It Mrf Zigma Condoms – Space Age Condoms MRF Condoms – Extra Rubber Extra Mileage Kelvinator Condom – Its The Coolest One […]
I think my family is racist.
When I brought my black girlfriend home to meet them, my wife and daughter wouldn’t even talk to her!
Everyone Knows Dave!
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?” “No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So […]
Subject: “Millennium Year Application Software System”
This is to announce the development of a new software system which will be year 2000 compliant. The program is known as “Millennium Year Application Software System” ( MYASS ) Next Monday we will have a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all […]
Three old timers were relating their most exciting experiences.
The first, a retired sheriff, described the terrifying excitement of a shoot-out with Bonnie and Clyde back in his younger days. The other gents nodded and agreed that, indeed, would have been exciting. The second, a retired fireman, related the tale of a huge fire at the university several years back. There were flames, fire […]
