Doctor: You have this serious disease. Me: Oh no. Doctor: But don’t worry you can cure it with a healthy diet and exercise. Me: OH NO!
A blonde was desperate for money. So she decided to go to the richer neighbourhoods around town and look for odd jobs. At the first house, a man answered the door and told her. ‘Yeah, I have a job for you. Could you paint the porch?’ ‘Sure,’ smiled the blonde, ‘I’ll do it for $100.’ […]
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Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?” “No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So […]
I was doing yard work after the storm this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn’t find the rake. I yelled up to my wife, “Where’s the rake?” She couldn’t hear me and she shouted back, “What?” I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my […]
I’ve never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart. For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, […]
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. “Hey!” shouts the manager. “Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The […]